Unexpected Circumstances: The Handmaid Read online

  “You look wonderful.” Sunniva smiled and took my hands again. “Your husband will be here shortly, and you are certain to take his breath away. You are a beautiful young woman, Alexandra.”

  I looked to the ground and blushed, of course. Before I could respond, there was another knock and Branford entered, asking if I was ready to see the chambers we would share. As I walked toward him, I could see him looking over the dress I was in, and that smile crossed his face again. If I hadn’t already been rosy from Sunniva’s comment, I would have blushed again. We said our goodnights to Sunniva, and Branford led me out the door.

  “I hope you like our rooms,” Branford said as he took my hand and placed it over his arm. We went down the corridor the short distance to the last set of doors—the ones Sunniva had pointed out to me before. Branford opened the doors and placed his hand on my lower back to guide me through ahead of him.

  “This is the morning room,” Branford said quietly. He kept his hand on my back and took a few steps forward. There was a pair of long, ornate couches sitting parallel to each other and creating a pathway to the larger room beyond. Behind one of the couches was a large, open window facing east. A fire burned brightly in one corner, making the room warm in the early spring evening. Branford led me further into the set of rooms, pointing out wardrobes for clothing and an area just for bathing, which included an actual person-sized tub of leather stretched over a wooden frame. There was a small fireplace close to that area and another, larger one on the other side of the room. There was a large, raised cushion to one side of the fireplace, but I could not fathom just what its purpose may have been. It was too large to be a normal, cushioned stool and had no back like a normal chair.

  Branford continued to stand just behind me as he showed me around. I could hear every move he made but didn’t dare turn around to look at him. The conversation with Sunniva had certainly given me some insight into this man who was now my husband, but I was still unsure of what he intended to do with me. I felt his hand slide up from my lower back, around my arm, and up to my shoulder. He turned me slightly until I was facing a huge, grand bed.

  “And this is our bed,” he said softly, leaning over to brush his lips over my ear. I felt a shiver run down my back at his touch and closed my eyes for a moment, trying to steady my breaths. Opening my eyes again, I looked over the beautiful golden silk covering with matching cascades of silk from the four posts at the corners. They were tied back to allow one to enter from either side, but sheer enough to see through them from any angle. I could feel Branford’s hot breath on my neck as he leaned over and kissed me just below my ear. He ran his hands down my arms, to my hips, up my sides, and down to my hips again. He rested them there lightly and kissed my neck once more.

  “It’s…beautiful, my…Branford.”

  “You’re beautiful,” Branford said. He chuckled softly and pulled my hair away from my neck with one hand. His mouth made a line across my skin. “I don’t recall seeing this dress before, but it suits you perfectly.”

  His words swirled around in my head. I knew my fear had kept him from taking me the previous night, and I knew lying to the man he considered both king and father regarding the consummation our marriage had to have been very difficult for him as it would have been for anyone. Undoubtedly, he had reconsidered waiting until I came to him, which would likely take far too long for his tastes.

  Sunniva said I needed to learn how to be…what was her word? Assertive? I wasn’t really sure what that meant, but I had a decent idea it meant saying what I wanted to say when I wanted to say it. I didn’t know if Branford was going to appreciate such a thing in his wife though, so I would have to be assertive quietly. If it was all right with him.

  “Branford?”

  “Yes, Alexandra?”

  “Are you going to take me tonight?” I tried to keep my voice from trembling, but I couldn’t keep all of my anxiety hidden. The movements of his mouth against my throat stopped and he leaned back.

  “According to my mother, you have had a trying day,” Branford said with a sigh. He took a step back and dropped his hands from me. “I think she is probably right, and though I would like nothing better than to punish you for making me look weak in front of the carriage driver and practically renouncing me in front of Camden, I think taking your virginity while I’m still quite angry with you is not advisable.”

  I felt my whole body stiffen, and my teeth nearly punctured my lip. I didn’t turn to look at him, terrified of what I might see in his eyes. He wanted to punish me, he had said. What would he do to me?

  He has a bit of a temper…

  “I’m sorry,” I managed to squeak out. “It wasn’t my intent—”

  “Hush,” he said, his voice calm again. How did he go from one extreme to the other so quickly? I let out my held breath. “I know you didn’t mean it. I’m still angry, but I know you didn’t mean it the way it appeared. If I thought you had intended to humiliate me…well, we would be engaging in a very different conversation.”

  “Yes, my lord,” I said automatically. Branford moved up close behind me, and his arm came around me again. I felt his fingers under my chin, tilting my head toward his. I looked at him, saw his raised brows, and quickly corrected myself. “Branford.”

  “I should have talked to you about how I would present you,” he said. He rested his hands on my shoulders again. “I hadn’t considered that such a display was not universal. Apparently, it isn’t.”

  “I’d not heard of it, my…Branford.” Would I ever get that right? Addressing him in one manner away from others and back to his title when we were with company was difficult. I wasn’t sure if I would ever become adept at keeping the two separate. “Sunniva explained it to me. I hadn’t meant to speak for myself—I know I’m bound to you.”

  “Hush.” Branford leaned back over me, and I felt his lips curve into a smile as they touched my neck again. “You understand now.”

  “Will King Camden accept me as your wife?” I asked timidly.

  “He already has,” Branford said simply.

  “He wasn’t happy about it though,” I said, hoping I wasn’t pressing too hard. Branford sighed against my skin and stood upright again. He turned me to face him and looked down, his hands on the tops of my arms.

  “Sunniva seems quite taken with you,” Branford said and laughed softly. “I think as long as she has accepted you, Camden will as well. Don’t dwell on it.”

  “I’ll try,” I responded, not at all convinced it was as easy as such.

  “I have some things I must attend to,” Branford said suddenly. He dropped his hands and started to walk away from me.

  “Of course,” I replied.

  “Make yourself at home,” he called over his shoulder. He smiled and chuckled softly before turning and heading back out of the door.

  After Branford left, I began to look around the room, getting a little more familiar with its contents and the order of things. Parts of the room were quite dusty, so I used one of the cloths near the basin to wipe down some of the surfaces. I recalled what Branford said in the carriage about not trusting servants and wondered how long it had been since someone had cleaned in the rooms. They weren’t overly dirty but needed some attention. Once I had cleaned everything I could, added a couple more logs to the fire, and placed the kettle on its hook nearby, I sat on the stool by the fire and waited for Branford to return.

  I tried to clear my mind and not dwell on everything, as Branford had instructed. I recalled my earlier conversation with Sunniva when we sewed together. Though some of her words eased my fears, others brought out completely new anxieties. At some point, all the people of the kingdom would depend on me. I hadn’t the slightest idea how to rule people and wasn’t so sure I wanted to tell others what to do. I didn’t even know what to do with myself. I sat, contemplated, and stared at the fire as it slowly turned to coals.

  It had been quite some time since Branford had left our rooms, and I was starting to wond
er if I should go ahead and dress for bed. It was completely dark outside now, and I closed the shutters against the cooling night breeze. I had rebuilt the fires in both of the fireplaces inside the main room though the one in the sitting room had gone to coals. The water in the kettle had gone cold, so I warmed it again, let it go cold again, and warmed it again. I was considering doing it for the fourth time but then wondered if I should just wait for Branford to return and then warm the water. It was getting late, and I didn’t want him to have to wait for too long if he did want tea or wished to bathe before bed, so I put the kettle on again.

  I sighed and looked toward the door to the corridor. I walked into the morning room and placed my hands on the cool wood surface of the door leading back into the rest of the castle. I found myself wondering what the garden looked like at night and decided I would go and have a peek, hoping that walking the corridors at night wouldn’t be a concern. I opened the door slowly and peered out before walking through.

  There was no sign of anyone else in the hall, and everything was very quiet. I could barely hear the sound of the wind through the leaves of the trees and took a few steps to peer over the ledge to the garden below. The moon was more than half visible, and a handful of torches also lit the garden path through the center from one arched doorway to another. Most of the flowers had closed their petals for the night, but it was still quite beautiful.

  As I looked out over the garden at the budding trees and ornate grasses, my eye caught movement off in one corner near an archway that led back inside the castle walls. I took another step closer to the edge and tilted my head to get a better view. I saw the golden-blonde woman from the throne room—the one who was standing close to the royal family when we first entered. I was sure she was not a family member, though, for all of the family stayed behind when King Camden had the rest of the court dismissed. She tilted her head to one side, and her eyes sparkled. She was talking to someone who remained in the shadows but whose form I still recognized immediately.

  “It’s all so sudden,” I heard Branford say. “I’m starting to have second thoughts.”

  “I can understand that,” the golden-blonde woman said. “It’s a big change for you.”

  She reached up and stroked his cheek. I held my breath at the tender touch she bestowed upon him. She was so at ease in his presence, in complete opposition to how I was with him—timid and terrified.

  “I just don’t know that I can replace her so quickly,” Branford said, taking a step back from the woman. I let my breath out again, silently thankful that he did not seem interested in her touch.

  At least, not publicly.

  His words in the carriage tumbled back into my head like a juggling jester.

  I didn't have any intention of being faithful.

  “You will have to eventually,” she told him.

  “I know, but it just seems…” Branford paused and ran his hand through his hair. “Harsh, I guess. It’s not even been a week.”

  “You can’t think of it that way,” the woman said. She reached out and took his hands in hers, and this time he did not pull away. Again, my breathing stopped short as the woman’s smile lit up in the moonlight. “You need this. You haven’t gone without in all the years I’ve known you.”

  “I’ve been lucky.” Branford’s smile quickly dissolved, and a look of sorrow replaced it. “Up until now.”

  “I think I can help change your luck,” she replied. I watched as her tongue darted out across her lips, leaving them glistening in the subdued light.

  “Can you now?” he murmured, and his eyes narrowed slightly.

  “I have something for you,” she said slyly. “I think it will perhaps help you to up make your mind.”

  The woman released Branford’s hands and took a few retreating steps, beckoning him with her fingers. He laughed quietly and shook his head before following her out of the garden and out of my sight.

  I took a step backward myself, my hand going to my chest as I felt a shudder run through my body. Replace her, he had said. Replace me, he meant. He already found me lacking and was searching for another. What did she have to give him that would convince him to do so? Panic arose within me as I had a pretty good idea what that might be. It was what I had yet to give him and should have given him the very first night. He didn’t think I was ready, but if not to do so meant my dismissal, I would ready myself. Pain notwithstanding, I was going to have to be ready for him now.

  And that is when I made my decision.

  Chapter 7—Marginally Succeed

  My eyes were burning either from the smoke and the closeness of the fire or the tears that had long since dried on my cheeks. My face was undoubtedly puffy and red. I had completely lost track of time though I knew it was very late now. Four more good-sized logs had been devoured by the main fireplace in the bedroom since I had returned from the hallway overlooking the garden.

  I startled when I heard the door creak open and turned in the chair near the fire to see Branford slip through the door and close it behind him. He walked through the morning room silently, glanced toward the bed, and then looked around the room until our eyes met. His brow furrowed, and he looked confused for a moment.

  “Alexandra, I thought you would be asleep by now.”

  I dropped my head down and looked at my feet, realizing I had never even changed into nightclothes. All my energy had gone into what I might say to him when he returned and into my thoughts about what he might be doing so late at night if not in his own chambers. I changed that focus quickly because the potential answer was far too mortifying. Now that he was before me, I couldn’t find the words I had been practicing in my head.

  “I was…waiting for you,” I told him. “I didn’t know if you would want some, um…tea…or anything.”

  Branford raised his hands up and ran them through his hair as he crossed the room.

  “Alexandra, you look exhausted,” Branford said as he walked to me and reached for my hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you would be waiting up for me.”

  Branford pulled me up to stand beside him. I turned my head away but felt his hand on my chin, forcing me to look back at him.

  “Are you all right, Alexandra?”

  “I’m fine, my…Branford.” I sighed internally, frustrated with my ineptitude to remember how to refer to my husband.

  “Fine.” He snorted. “You don’t look fine.”

  I tried to turn my head away from him, but his grip held firm to my chin and didn’t allow me to move. I could only look away from him, my gaze focusing on the fire.

  “Tell me what’s wrong, Alexandra,” he demanded, and I felt tears sting my eyes yet again. All the words I had considered over the hours while I waited for him were gone from my head, and I didn’t know what I should say.

  “Tell me!” he said again, his voice more urgent. He shifted his head to look me in the eyes again.

  “I just…” My breath hitched in my throat, and for a moment, I couldn’t speak. Finally, I managed to get the words out through my increasing tears. “I st-still don’t know…wh-wh-what’s expected of me.”

  Branford closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

  “I know, Alexandra,” Branford finally said. He opened his eyes, and I could see his concern in them. “I’m afraid I haven’t been much of a husband to you thus far. I’m not exactly sure what it means to be good to you, but I know what I have done isn’t enough. I didn’t prepare you, and we’ve hardly spoken at all, but it’s late now, and you look so tired. I should think of your health first, and now is not the proper time to discuss all of this.”

  He waved his hand between us before reaching into his hair again. When he retracted his fingers, his hair stood out all over his head and even dropped down onto his forehead. I took a moment to rein in my tears before speaking again.

  “Are you still angry with me?” I inquired softly, somewhat fearful of his answer. Branford blew out a large breath before shaking his head.r />
  “No, I’m no longer angry with you, Alexandra.”

  “Do you wish to go to…to bed now? Or would you like something to drink first? Or—”

  “I think bed would be just fine,” Branford said, halting my words. “I’m glad there’s nothing pressing for us to do in the morning, or you would be very tired. I should have told you not to wait up for me, Alexandra. I’m supposed to take care of you, and I’ve failed within the first day. Please forgive me.”

  “Of course, Branford,” I replied, not knowing what else I should say.

  Branford told me to prepare for bed, so I went to change behind the screen. Though I could not see him, I could hear Branford removing his clothing on the other side, near the basin. I heard the splash of water as he dipped his hands in and realized I had not warmed it from the water in the kettle and knew it must be quite cold. I pulled my nightdress over myself quickly and ran to the kettle by the fire. I brought it to the basin and poured it in as Branford looked at me sideways with his half smile.

  “The water isn’t hot anymore,” I said apologetically, “but it’s still warm. I’m sorry I didn’t think of it before you started to wash.”

  “That’s quite all right,” Branford said softly. His shirt had been discarded on the back of a nearby chair, and he was dressed only in the fine linen trousers he had worn to bed the night before. At least, they looked to be the same. I averted my eyes and thought I could hear him snicker softly to himself and then sigh.

  “Alexandra?” he asked quietly.

  “Yes, Branford?” I still didn’t turn back to look at him.

  “Would you help me?” he asked.

  “Help you, my lord?” I closed my eyes tightly, knowing I had said the wrong thing again. All my life I had been taught to address the noblemen as such and trying to address just this one nobleman differently when we were alone seemed impossible. My frustration at addressing him incorrectly distracted me so I couldn’t think too long about what he might need from me.