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  Not until now.

  I didn’t like it, not in the least. What if she had decided I wasn’t worth the effort? As much as I might have agreed with her, the thought pissed me off. Rinaldo was right—bitches weren’t worth the trouble. Look at where I was now and what I was considering because of her. If it weren’t for her, Trent would only have prison to hold over my head.

  “Fuck it.” I stood up and decided to start walking east on Van Buren. I didn’t really know where I was going to go at this point and figured I might as well just walk to my apartment. I had no idea what condition it might be in, or if the door was locked, or if the whole place had been cleaned out. I also didn’t have anywhere else to go. I gripped my fingers against my palms and tried to get some clarity in my head.

  “Evan!”

  I turned to the sound of my name and saw Lia walking quickly up the sidewalk from the other side of the building. The relief I felt was frightening. I felt my heart speed up in my chest at the very sight of her. My arms ached to reach out and bring her close to me, and my cock throbbed at the possibilities her presence presented.

  So much for not depending on anyone.

  I unclenched my fists and turned around to move down the sidewalk to meet her. The lunch crowd was milling around us, and as much as I might have wanted to pretend they weren’t there, rush up and pull her into my arms, I knew that wasn’t the least bit cautious, and I needed to be cautious.

  I hesitated in my steps, stopped a couple feet in front of her, and just stared for a long moment. The wind picked up some loose strands of her hair and blew them around her neck, drawing my gaze that way. I recalled the salty taste of sweat in the same place as my cock moved inside of her, and thoughts of kissing her left my head as the desire to fuck her on the street grew in their place.

  She took a step forward and began to reach for me, but I stopped her with a shake of my head.

  “Not here,” I said quickly. “Too many people. We need to get out of the open. Where are you staying?”

  “I’ve got a place rented on the west side of the city,” Lia said. “It’s not great, but it’s affordable. It’s close to Rehm Park, so I have a good place to walk Odin.”

  “Where’s your car?”

  “I don’t have one.”

  Shit.

  “How did you get here?”

  “The train.”

  The one time I wanted to avoid public transportation, there wasn’t another option. Fucking Murphy’s Law.

  That did explain what took her so long. Without many choices available, I grabbed her hand and led her over to the nearest Blue Line entrance.

  “Shit,” I grumbled as we approached the station.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t have my wallet or anything,” I said. “My transit pass is in there.”

  “I’ve got it.”

  We had to go to the convenience store next to the station to get a one-day pass for me, then headed back toward the trains. We waited for only a minute or two before the next train stopped, and I pulled Lia behind me as we slipped through the doors before they closed.

  The car was crowded but not completely full. There were two available seats facing the center of the car. Riding sideways wasn’t my favorite position on a train, but it was better than facing backwards, which made me nauseated.

  As soon as we sat, I could feel the tension in my body begin to rise again.

  I noticed the similarities between this time and when Lia had first lain beside me in the cabin. My heart was pounding in my chest, and even my skin felt tight around my muscles. I tensed the muscles in my thighs as my brain was flooded with memories of her soft skin and the way she smelled in the morning—a combination of something sweet-tasting, laced with my own scent over her skin. Back then, I had attributed the feelings I had toward her to just wanting to fuck because it had been a while, but I couldn’t think of it the same way now. This time, it hadn’t been months since I had been with someone—only a couple of weeks.

  “Yeah, and you killed her.”

  “What was that?”

  Shit.

  “Nothing,” I muttered. I silently thanked no one in particular for train noise. Lia looked a little confused but didn’t press, so she must not have heard the words I said.

  I looked from her eyes to her mouth and tried to remember exactly what she had tasted like when I kissed her. The memory was there but not as vivid as some of the others. I wanted to remind myself how it felt to press my mouth against hers and how her hair felt in my hands.

  I wanted to relive every cum-covered moment—that’s what I wanted.

  The train screeched, stopped, and the doors opened up. People got off and others got on. With a lurch, we were headed back down the tracks again only to go through the whole stop-start scenario over and over. Each time, there were more people getting on than off, and the car quickly became standing room only.

  “What stop again?” I asked her.

  “Oak Park.”

  Seven stops away. I wasn’t going to be able to wait that long.

  “Come on,” I said as the train slowed to a crawl and the doors slid open once more.

  “Where are we going?” Lia asked as I dragged her from the train and through the station.

  My eyes darted from left to right, trying to find any place even remotely suitable. There wasn’t anything inside the station, so I led her out onto the street and toward a nearby office park. Slipping between two buildings, I turned abruptly, grabbed her, and shoved her against the red brick.

  My mouth covered hers, and my hands grabbed at her waist to pull her against me. I felt her hands move up my shoulders, and her arms wrapped around my neck as she moaned into my mouth. As I tasted her tongue, I was immediately transported back to our small, cramped, hot sanctuary in the middle of Arizona. My cock pressed tightly against my fatigues as it felt the warmth of her body so close. It obviously didn’t want to waste any time leaping out and doing exactly what needed to be done.

  It was a matter of sanity.

  “You still want it like this, don’t you?” I breathed against her lips as I broke our kiss. My hands moved up her sides, then back down around to grip her ass. “Hard and fast—right here against the fucking building.”

  My hand found its way underneath her skirt, and my fingers slid up her thigh. I could feel the edge of her lacy panties and quickly wrapped my fingers into the fabric.

  “Evan…” My name on her tongue was a protest, so I stopped.

  Leaning back slightly, I looked at her flushed face. Her eyes were dilated, which made them appear almost black against her pale features. Her eye makeup was smeared a little, and her breath was coming in gasps. As I stared at her, her tongue darted out and over her lips as her eyes focused on me.

  “You don’t want me to stop,” I stated. “You need it like this.”

  She barely had the chance to nod before my hand yanked down sharply and tore her panties off her body. A moment later, my pants were undone and my cock was out and ready. I took a moment to lick the palm of my hand and rub it over the head and shaft of my dick.

  “Get your legs around me,” I commanded as I lifted her by her ass with one hand and positioned my throbbing cock with the other. “You still on the pill?”

  “Yes,” she breathed as her thighs wrapped around my waist and her heels dug into my backside.

  “It’s a good thing.” I slammed into her and remembered what home was.

  It was everything I remembered and more. The feeling of her body encompassing me was beyond the sensation of the flesh—far beyond. It was incomprehensible, fantastic, and terrifying. It was everything I knew I wanted and needed but had refused to pursue because my life was far too fucked up for anything like this.

  I didn’t deserve it, and I had convinced myself I didn’t want it or need it.

  I did, though. I knew I did, and now that I had it, I was going to do anything and everything I could to keep it.

  She wasn�
��t completely ready for the intrusion into her body and moaned against my shoulder as I penetrated her, balls-deep, in one swift motion. As much as I probably should have slowed down and let her get used to me inside of her again, I couldn’t. My body was on autopilot—searching for the one connection that held meaning for it.

  I pulled back and slammed into her again, and again she cried out.

  “Lia,” I whispered as I tried to hold myself steady inside of her. My voice was strangled, pleading, and my dick continued to throb inside of her, demanding more.

  “Don’t stop,” she said. “Harder—please!”

  “God, woman…”

  Her words heated me up more, and even with the cold wind on my ass, my skin felt like it was boiling. I shoved into her again, pulled back, and continued to hammer into her as I held her against the wall. She felt so warm wrapped around me; I almost lost it far too soon.

  I took a breath, covered her mouth with mine, and slowed down for a moment. Sliding in and out of her, my hands wrapped around the globes of her ass and pulled her down over me. I felt sweat trickle between my shoulder blades as I familiarized myself with the taste of her tongue once more.

  “You feel fucking perfect,” I growled against her mouth. I pulled back, almost all the way out, and then pushed forward sharply with my hips as I brought her down on me. She cried out again, and I placed one hand against the wall behind her for more leverage as I increased the pace again.

  It wasn’t enough. It felt like it would never, never be enough.

  Lia’s breaths came in pants as she tried to keep up with my pace. At that point, I couldn’t have slowed down if I tried, and I wasn’t about to try. I needed to feel her like this—against the wall, fast, hot, furious. Her fingers gripped my shoulders, and her voice rose in pitch as she gasped and cried out my name.

  Her body gripped my cock, squeezing it and pulling it deeper inside of her. It was more than I could take, and I felt the pressure from my balls spread out through my legs and down my cock in an explosion of sensation.

  “Uhhhgh!” I cried out, the sound only partially muffled by Lia’s shoulder, as I filled her. I felt myself shudder from my shoulders down to my thighs. I tightened my grip on her luscious ass and slid in and out a few more times as my breath steadied and my heart rate decreased. As I came down from the orgasmic high, I found her eyes with mine. She seemed to be a bit in shock, and I wondered if I had taken it too far.

  “Sorry,” I muttered. “Couldn’t wait.”

  “Don’t apologize,” Lia responded. Her hand moved from my shoulder to the side of my face, and I leaned against the touch. “It’s probably a good idea to get out of here before someone finds us, though.”

  I couldn’t argue, so I pulled back, lowered her carefully to the ground, and fastened my fatigues. Lia straightened out her skirt, shirt, and hair before she took a deep breath and looked to her torn panties on the ground.

  “I guess I’m going to have to keep an extra supply of underwear when I’m around you, aren’t I?”

  “Yeah, sorry about that.” I wasn’t, but I figured it was polite to say. As far as I was concerned, she could just go without panties for the rest of eternity. I smiled a little at the thought.

  “You’re really quite proud of that, aren’t you?” she said.

  I smirked back at her, raised an eyebrow, and shrugged. Lia shook her head slightly as her hand reached up to fiddle with the quarter around her neck.

  “Let’s get back to my place,” Lia said. “I have the feeling we should probably have an actual conversation here at some point.”

  Lia reached out to take my hand, and we made our way down the street and back to the train stop. I wasn’t sure if I was looking forward to what kind of talk she had in mind, but I knew I wasn’t going to be leaving her side until she was far from harm’s way. I’d put up with whatever she wanted as long as I could keep her safe.

  Nothing was going to keep her from my side.

  Chapter 7—Desired Refuge

  The apartment Lia had been living in was little efficiency in a crappy area. I might not have had cash on me for a CTA ticket, but there was no way I was going to let her stay here another night. There wasn’t even any fucking security on the building door. The inside was okay, just small and cramped. I had no idea what her financial situation was, but it was obvious from her accommodations that she wasn’t well-off.

  I was going to have to change that—sooner rather than later.

  Odin peeked around the corner of the bed, saw me, and jogged over with his tail wagging. I was beyond happy to see the big guy, especially considering I had a brief moment during my arrest when I thought they might have taken him out. I dropped down to one knee and took his shaggy head in my hands. I scratched at his neck and back and tried to keep my balance as he nearly tackled me and started to lick my face.

  “Disgusting,” I told him with a grin. He sat back on his haunches and appeared to be smiling back at me with his tongue lolling around his face. Then he jumped up and ran back to the side of the bed to retrieve his rubber bone. There wasn’t really any room in the tiny place to throw it, but we made do anyway.

  “I need to go to my apartment,” I said after a few minutes of fetch.

  “It still has crime scene tape all over the door,” Lia said softly. “At least it did when I was last there.”

  “Fuck that,” I growled. “If there’s anyone there trying to keep me from my shit, I’ll fucking kill them.”

  The words were honest and genuine—far too much so. When I glanced up at Lia, she was biting her lip and had her brow all screwed up. I inhaled deeply and then let the air out slowly through my nose. I was going to have to start watching my words.

  “Figuratively,” I said unconvincingly.

  Lia continued to look at me with a lot of doubt on her face. Her legs were tensed like she was thinking of running out. When I stood and gave Odin’s bone one last toss, she took a step back.

  “You afraid of me?” I asked.

  “Not of you,” Lia replied. “For you, yes, but not really of you.”

  “Not really,” I repeated. It wasn’t a slip of the tongue—she was starting to see who I was now that we were in my city, my element. “You don’t know me very well.”

  “I know a lot. I’m still waiting for you to tell me the rest.”

  I laughed. She had no fucking idea what she knew and what she didn’t know.

  “So tell me,” she requested.

  “No,” I replied quietly. I reached out and placed my finger under her chin, tilting her head up a little before kissing her lightly. “You don’t want to know all the shit in my head.”

  “I do,” she insisted, “but I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

  “Not gonna happen.” I moved my lips across her jaw and down the side of her neck, hoping to distract her completely from the line of thinking she seemed so hell-bent on. Her hands ran up my sides and gripped my back as I moved up her ear.

  “I need to know,” she said quietly.

  “Bullshit.”

  “Evan,” she sighed and pulled back a bit. It wasn’t enough to let go but enough that I couldn’t keep distracting her with my lips. “Don’t you think I deserve a little information at least?”

  “For what?” It was a stupid fucking thing to say, but I’m a guy and we say stupid shit like that.

  “For what?” she snapped back. “Seriously? Let’s start with searching for you for months, finding out you’ve been through a ridiculously difficult time, and then when I finally find you, you’re in the process of trying to blow up an entire park! How about seeing you dragged off in cuffs, and the only thing you manage to do is apologize again, and then ask me to take care of your dog?”

  Well, all right—she had me there.

  I huffed out a breath, looked over her shoulder for a minute, and then looked back.

  “You’re right. You want me to just take him and go now?”

  “No, for goodness’ sake, Evan!�
�� Lia pulled one of her hands back and slapped me slightly on the shoulder. “Do you think I’d come all the way here, do all of this, and then just leave?”

  “You should.” Part of me hoped she would, but it wasn’t a part I wanted to acknowledge. Even as I suggested it, it felt like a hole was burning through my chest.

  “Well, I’m not.”

  “Maybe you need to think about it.” More words I didn’t mean, but there they were anyway.

  “Is that what you want me to do?” she asked.

  I hesitated but ultimately shook my head.

  “I only want time to think about…about all of this,” she responded as she took my face in her hands and placed her lips to mine. My body was immediately lost in the feeling, but my mind continued to struggle.

  “You need to just get out of Chicago…get away from me,” I said. Though my voice was sure and strong, my arms tightened around her as the words left my lips.

  “I’m not leaving you alone,” Lia replied.

  “You should.” Again, my grip on her tightened, and the feeling of her body pressed tightly against my chest was divine. “I’ll end up hurting you or…or worse.”

  “You won’t hurt me.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  She pulled back again and glared at me.

  “Did you really think I had no idea that there was something...not quite right? When I first saw you, you were in the middle of the desert, rocking on a front porch, holding the scariest gun I've ever seen. The hottest guy I've ever met in my life, sitting alone in a cabin, apparently for months, with his dog and enough paranoia to spare. I may not have your powers of observation, Evan, but I'm not blind!”

  I had to admit, I hadn’t considered how all of that had looked. At the time, I had been more concerned about whether or not she had been sent from Chicago, and then later my concern was more about getting into her pants.