Win Some, Lose Some Read online

“You said no one would know,” I reminded Mayra. Aimee’s words felt like they were crashing down over my head, and I could feel the tension flowing over me from my scalp to my toes. “You said Dr. Harris would keep anyone from knowing.”

  “I wasn’t expecting them to go all NCIS on me,” Mayra said. She glanced at Aimee out of the corner of her eye.

  “You’re the ones who have been giving money away all over town,” Aimee said. “Why?”

  “I don’t want it,” I said emphatically. My fingers twisted around each other, untwisted, and then twisted up again. I tapped my index fingertips together and then moved on to the other fingers, tapping each one in turn.

  “I knew how worried you were,” Mayra said. “With the baby coming and money being so tight, it just made sense to give most of it to you. We donated to the autism center for Megan’s—”

  “Mayra!” I whispered under my breath. I didn’t want to give away any more than we had to.

  “She’s going to figure it out anyway,” Mayra said with a roll of her eyes. “Matthew didn’t want to deal with it all, and he didn’t want the attention.”

  “But it would help you and your family, too,” Aimee insisted. “I’m sure they have needs as well.”

  I shook my head.

  “It’s so much,” Aimee said. “We can all share it.”

  “Not me,” I replied. “I don’t want it.”

  “You have to!” Aimee shook her head rapidly. “I can’t take this from you, knowing you aren’t even saving any for yourself.”

  “I don’t want it!” I yelled. As I pulled my feet up off the floor and brought my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them. Mayra reached over and rested her hand on my shoulder, but I shook it off. This was exactly what I didn’t want—I didn’t want to have to think about the money ever again, and here we all were talking about it some more. “Just take it and don’t say anything else!”

  “But, Matthew, your own family—”

  “No!” I moaned as I hid my head between my knees and started to shake. Giving it to anyone in my family was the same as keeping it for myself. I would always have to be involved in the decision-making and planning, which is exactly what I did not want.

  “Matthew…it’s okay,” Mayra said. She had moved closer to me on the couch but wasn’t trying to touch me.

  “I don’t understand,” Aimee whispered, and I could hear the stress in her voice.

  “It just won’t work for him, Aimee,” Mayra said quietly. “That’s why giving it away was the perfect answer. I didn’t think you would figure out where it came from, and I knew you would be responsible with it—use it for the baby and school for you and Scott. I knew you would have your dad help you figure it out and not do anything stupid. We’re saving some to pay for school, but we won’t be spending any of it on us. If we did, people would figure it out. Giving half of it to you means you wouldn’t have to put your whole life on hold, and Matthew and I could just move on the way we had already planned.”

  There was a long silence, which I used to try to keep myself from totally falling apart. None of this was working like it was supposed to, and what I thought was over and done with had suddenly made itself a huge part of my life again in a matter of minutes. I was shaking so badly, I could hardly even hear anything around me anymore.

  “Is it really that hard for you?” Aimee asked. When I glanced at her, her eyes were wide and sympathetic.

  I could only nod in response.

  “All right,” she whispered and then spoke a little louder. “We’ll keep it.”

  “You will?” I asked, peering up at her.

  “Yes,” she replied.

  “Please,” I begged softly, “I don’t want anyone to know where you got it.”

  “I won’t tell anyone,” Aimee said.

  I let out a long breath.

  “But my silence is conditional,” Aimee added.

  Mayra stiffened and sat up in her seat, and I echoed her posture.

  “What condition?” she asked.

  “If you are giving this to me, I get to spend it the way I want without any argument from either of you,” Aimee said.

  My eyes narrowed. There was something about the way she was presenting her conditions that made me feel wary.

  “It’s for the baby,” Mayra reminded her friend.

  “Yes, it is,” Aimee said. “And as the baby’s mother, I get to decide what’s good for the baby, right?”

  “I suppose so,” Mayra said.

  “Matthew?” Aimee turned to me, and I quickly looked away from her eyes. “Would you agree I get to choose what is right for my child?”

  “Yes,” I said. I couldn’t argue with that.

  “And if I want my child to learn about generosity, I expect the two of you to support that.”

  “I guess so,” I responded. I had no idea where she was going with this, and I was still on edge.

  “Good,” she said, “because I’m going to make some arrangements. For starters, I’m setting up a scholarship at OSU for a student with autism—in the baby’s name, of course. I expect you to apply for it.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, so I sat there with my mouth wide open.

  Did I just win or lose?

  Epilogue—The Biggest Win of All

  “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Mayra squealed, and I had to smile.

  “I take it you got the A?” I said with a smile.

  “One-hundred-fucking-percent!” Mayra screeched and danced around the apartment we shared just outside of the university grounds.

  “Can we go home now?” I asked. As happy as I was for her, I really just wanted to get back home and relax for the holidays, and we still had to pick up Megan along the way.

  The first semester of college at Ohio State University had been extremely trying. I was starting to get used to everything, but the students and teachers weren’t exactly understanding when it came to me. It actually made me miss high school. If it hadn’t been for Mayra and our little sanctuary off campus, I probably wouldn’t have made it.

  “Yes, we can go,” Mayra said. She came over and planted a quick kiss on my lips. “Let’s go pick up your sister and get back to Oxford.”

  The donation for Megan’s care hadn’t exactly changed her life or anything, but it certain did make a lot of things better. Her medication was the best she could get, and there was, apparently, a stipulation in the donation for my treatment as well. I didn’t have any major breakthroughs, but the panic attacks were less severe and a lot less frequent. Megan was also able to have more specialized care, and it allowed us to bring her home for the holidays, provided Mayra was also there.

  Megan really liked Mayra.

  She was also still mad at me for not buying a ring to replace the watch. She didn’t exactly say it, but I could tell.

  Maybe someday.

  Aimee had turned herself into our fairy godmother though she would deny it most of the time. All sorts of things just seemed to fall into place for us, including anonymous scholarships popping up for Mayra and a major refund for me on my housing costs.

  Travis and Bethany were suddenly accepted by an adoption clinic around the same time and had a baby that was due to come home with them in the middle of January. I wasn’t sure how Aimee could have arranged for something like that, but it was definitely suspicious. Bethany also had a major windfall drop into her lap, which she used to get a baby’s room together. They’ve already decided to name the baby Kyle when he’s born.

  I gave up trying to tell Aimee to stop. For one, it didn’t work. For another, she always had the perfect justification for how little Maggie would benefit from whatever she’d done with her lotto winnings. Besides, Scott had managed to start his own business—a used sports equipment shop in Hamilton, and it was doing really well for them all.

  They were happy.

  I didn’t know what to think of it all, but I was content with not knowing what to think.

  I picked up our suitcases a
nd checked everything in the apartment fifteen times before leaving it. Even though there was a security system in the building, leaving the place for two weeks made me nervous. I kept thinking of all the things that could go wrong while we were gone.

  Mayra opened the trunk of my car, and I laid the suitcases side by side.

  “Did I turn off the light in the bedroom?”

  “You turned off all the lights,” Mayra assured me. “Actually, you unplugged the one in the bedroom.”

  “Well, it turns on when anything touches it,” I said. “If something fell on it and it turned on, it might start a fire.”

  “It’s all going to be fine, Matthew,” Mayra said with a sigh. She took my hands in hers and tilted her head to look into my eyes. I held the gaze for a moment before looking away. “Stop thinking about it, and think about getting back home.”

  “Henry said he’s expecting you to cook Christmas dinner,” I told her. “I don’t think there’s any food at my house.”

  “Shopping will be done tomorrow,” Mayra said.

  “What about Megan?”

  “It will be a great opportunity for you and Megan to spend time with Travis and Bethany. They’re already planning on coming over after lunch. I’ll do the shopping.”

  I sat in the driver’s seat and checked all the gauges and dials before backing out of the parking garage and heading along the route that would take us to the institute. Mayra was still excited about her grade on her final. She picked up the phone to call Aimee as I drove. I didn’t really pay much heed to their conversation until Mayra said something that caught my attention.

  “Oh, Aimee…he’s going to freak…I know, but…all right…no, I’m going to tell him before we get there…yeah, but you don’t have to deal with it!”

  She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye as she said her goodbyes and hung up.

  “Do not freak out,” she commanded immediately.

  “What did she do?”

  “Well, we only have two days until Christmas,” Mayra said. “She just wanted to help, you know?”

  “What did she do?” I asked again, my tone a little louder.

  “She…um…got us a tree.”

  “A Christmas tree?” My brow furrowed.

  “It’s all decorated and everything,” Mayra added. “She called Travis, and he let her in to put it up.”

  My fingers gripped the steering wheel. The whole idea of a tree being put up in my house when I wasn’t there was a little disconcerting, but I knew there had to be more to it than that.

  “And?” I pressed Mayra for more information.

  “Well, she kind of went with a certain…‘theme’ in the decorations.”

  “What ‘theme’?” I demanded. I was getting a little tired of the whole game.

  “Well…she called it ‘time is money.’”

  I glanced at Mayra then back to the car in front of me as I contemplated what kind of Christmas tree decorations would go with a theme like that. There was really only one answer.

  “She covered it with dollar bills or something, didn’t she?” I growled.

  It was one thing when Aimee just magically made shit happen, but I didn’t like being handed cash. For one, I never knew what to do with it, and making money decisions was just not something I liked to do at all. I liked being short of money and having to budget everything—it was what I knew. I was used to it, and I was comfortable with it.

  “Well, yes, partially. Knowing her, it’s probably not singles, though.”

  I shook my head sharply.

  “Why does she do that?” I asked with a sigh.

  “Because she’s grateful and wants to help us.” Mayra’s fingers touched my thigh. “It’s Christmas—don’t be angry about it.”

  “I’m not angry,” I said. “I’m…frustrated.”

  “You are expressing yourself well,” Mayra said with a smile. “You’ve been doing really great with that lately.”

  “You’re trying to change the subject,” I said. “I’m not falling for it. What else is on the tree?”

  “Um…clocks.”

  “Clocks?”

  “Yes, for Megan.”

  “She’s going to go nuts,” I said with a laugh.

  “It will probably keep her entertained the whole weekend.”

  “She won’t get bored. That should help her time at home go smoothly.”

  “You are taking this much better than I thought you would,” Mayra said.

  “I think I have given up on trying to change Aimee’s ways.”

  “Smart boy.”

  “Well, I know one thing,” I told her. I reached down and wrapped my fingers around her hand. “I have great taste in women.”

  “That you do,” Mayra said with a smile. She leaned close and pressed her lips to my cheek.

  I couldn’t have asked for more, but I seemed to keep getting it anyway.

  We picked up Megan and brought her back to the house. As soon as she saw the tree Aimee had provided, she sat in front of it, stared open-mouthed, and counted the clocks on the branches.

  She couldn’t have been happier.

  “I’ve got the shopping list done,” Mayra said.

  I glanced over at her and swallowed. I’d never hosted a family gathering before, and I wasn’t sure I could cope with so many people being in the house. The last time a family dinner was held here, Mom and Dad were still around.

  “You sure you want to do this?” Mayra asked as she tilted her head to look at me.

  “No,” I said. I shrugged and scrunched up my face at the thought of what all of this meant.

  Though there was that logical part of me that knew it was perfectly normal to host a dinner party, it didn’t stop my hands from shaking at the thought.

  “I’m pretty sure I don’t want to,” I told her, “but someone a few years back taught me that even though change is really hard, I can’t go through life just avoiding difficult situations.”

  “You don’t have to like it,” Mayra reminded me. “Lots of people don’t like making adjustments. You accept change now, though, which is a big change in and of itself.”

  “I guess so,” I said with a shrug.

  Mayra rested her hands on my shoulders and turned me toward her.

  “Don’t you sell yourself short now, Matthew Rohan,” she said. “You have made so much progress in the past year, it’s amazing. You don’t only accept change, but you make decisions without debating and worrying about them for weeks beforehand. I don’t think we’d be standing here even having this conversation if it were last summer. You haven’t freaked out during any of this, not even when Dad said he was bringing Officer Gregory with him.”

  I met her eyes for a moment before looking over her shoulder and out the window again. Mayra dropped her hands to her sides and turned to look through the glass with me.

  “There were times when decisions were almost impossible to make,” I agreed. “It’s still hard, but I know this is the right thing to do. I think I’ve probably made the wrong choices in the past just because I refused to make a decision one way or the other.”

  “You could be a millionaire,” Mayra teased.

  I shrugged again and turned away from the window. In my mind, I was at birthday parties when I was a child—both for me and for Megan, though she would never open her gifts. I remembered the first time Travis brought Bethany into the room and how much Megan had hated her. There were also thoughts of a darker sort, though—like when the unit’s commanding officer came to the door with the chaplain to tell us that Dad wouldn’t be coming home.

  I walked across the living room and remembered all the times Mayra and I had spent there. I recalled our project on honey bees that just might have been responsible for bringing us together. I remembered sitting on the couch and drinking Cokes with four ice cubes in each glass. Most distinctly, I remembered waking up on the couch and having her beside me, wrapped up in my arms and making me feel safe and loved.

  “Ye
ah, but I wouldn’t be happier,” I said. “That’s not a decision I regret.”

  “What do you regret?”

  “Well, going back a ways, there are a lot of things,” I told her. “I wish I would have kissed you the first time you brought me cake. I wanted to.”

  Mayra laughed.

  “Is that all?”

  “Not quite,” I said. “I wanted to kiss you at least a dozen times before it ever really happened.”

  “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I wish I had kissed you sooner, too.”

  I gave her a crooked smile, which she claimed went straight into her panties, and considered making love to her right there on the floor. She was still looking out the window, and I probably could have surprised her from behind, but there was something else—something more important—that I had to do.

  “There is something else I wish I had done sooner.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Well,” I said quietly, “there’s only one thing that could make me any happier than I am now.”

  “Oh really?” Mayra said. “What’s that?”

  With shaking hands, I reached down into my coat pocket.

  “Mayra Trevino,” I said softly. I bit down on my lip. I’d practiced this speech one hundred and forty-seven times, and I was sure I was still going to screw it up.

  Mayra turned from the window as I walked closer to her and slowly lowered myself onto one knee. I heard her gasp and saw her hands clench and twist together. My body and mind tensed, and I knew how much parts of me wanted to panic over this. I also knew this was the only way to move forward with our lives—for real and for good.

  “I know living with me is hard,” I said quietly. “I need everything done in certain ways, and I can lose my control over the smallest of things, but you’re still patient with me. You still stay beside me even though I know there are times when it’s hard on you. I’ll never find someone more loving and kind and wonderful than you are, and I’ll never love anyone like I love you. Will you…”

  My voice cracked and failed me. I had to pause and squeeze my eyes shut, swallow hard, and force my hands to hold up the small, black box with the simple half karat diamond solitaire in it.

  “Will you marry me?”